have been a barn,) and pulling at the opposite end, for no other purpose of course than trying the strength of the twisted hemp, when, to my great surprise, the building fell, with such a tremendous crash as to arouse the slumbering dead (of night) and make the night air tremble. To cut the rope and run away was but the work of a moment, and for many weeks it was the marvel of the neighborhood what caused the building to fall. My next innocent amusement was to set fire to a little house, the patrimony of the wife of my preceptor, who was always kind to me, and who would often come to my room and give me lectures upon politics, religion, and marriage-never forgetting to say she had an excellent daughter, just suited, et cetera. On one occasion I took hold of a wheelbarrow, which accidentally slipped from my hands, and fell into a deserted well, where it remained, to be discovered sometime afterwards. ; so the trees and the girls suffered while I flourished; and thus things went on during my first term at the boardingschool, until near the close, when I was found out, and my game was up. But, to the great delight of my friends, the following term I became more studious and, so rapid was my progress, the next August I entered as freshman at Cambridge, where I graduated in 18—. Then my head was full of the wildest schemes for the future. Virgil and Horace for a time were laid aside, and I entered into all the gay amusements of a fashionable life with a zeal that few possess. But this did not last long: nes mutamus atque res mutantai." 66 The joys and delights of the married life were mirrored upon the retina of my imagination, and the slumbers of night were the solace of love, and I felt my place on earth would be an Eden, if with the lady of my affection, whom I could call my wife. But I had no means of gaining a livelihood, and could not indulge in the heaven-born hope of mar a difficult task,-much greater than to have selected me a wife at that time; but I finally determined to prosecute a course of medical studies, and enter upon the practice of medicine. Sometimes pudding was found in the pockets of my comrades, and none were more surprised at the mischief than my-rying soon. To select a profession was self, and none more ready to censure the meanness; and whenever I went fishing, late at night my room was sure to smell fishy, and the frying-pan and sundry other kitchen fixtures were sure to be "found missing" in the morning; and if I went gunning, it most unluckily happened that the feathers of a barn snipe were found in the vicinity of my ambulations. But notwithstanding all this, I managed to gain the confidence of my preceptor. His house was but a few rods from a popular female seminary, and he used to request me to see that the girls did not steal any of his fruit. This mark of his special favor I most readily accepted, as it afforded me a convenient opportunity of pruning the lower limbs of the mellow fruit, and of accusing the innocent fair, with whom I was not on the most intimate terms of friendship. Being an awkward grammarian, I never could decline fruit, when it came in my reach; During the term I was a student of medicine, somehow I got the reputation of visiting the churchyard late at night, for no very good purpose, and I often heard the good people speak about “robing the burying-ground," "writs," "fine," 66 sheriff," "jail and prison," but to no effect-my mind had a downward tendency, and my body was obliged to succumb to the laws of gravitation, even though it might sink a little beneath the flowery surface of the earth upon which we tread. Now I have always had a sacred horror for ghosts, and so I blamed the pious people thereabouts for shocking my timid nerves, and they began to think me ally as honest as I was. It often hap pens, when one gets the name of indulging in any kind of mischief-whether false or true-that it follows him through life, and it has been peculiarly so with me in this case, for even in California I have been accused of disturbing le repos des les merts. At the expiration of three years and two months I graduated, and commenced the practice of medicine, i. e., I put out my "shingle" to let people know I was prepared to cure their many ills, feeling sure they would not pass me by, and was not disappointed, for in a few years I had acquired an extensive practice. In the fall of '48 the gold fever "broke out," and its attack upon me was most violent. I received an invitation to go to California as surgeon of a company, then fitting out, which expected to leave in a few days. The adventure pleased me. I at once accepted; sold out my effects, and, at the appointed time, was ready to leave, and biding an affectionate farewell, got on board the noble vessel, feeling willing to go any where, (and this calls to mind the anecdote of the man "out west," who, being inquired of if he would not like to go to heaven, replied, "Yes! I should as leaves go there as any where, but the rest of my family want to go to Missouri.") Our ship made a good passage, and early in the summer of '49 we cast anchor in the Bay of San Francisco; and, kind reader, I am now before you as a narator of the "Adventures of a California Physician." The incidents, as I shall relate them, will be strictly true; but the dates, names and places cannot wholly be relied upon. Soon after our arrival in San Francisco our vessel was removed to Benicia, and as all things mundane have a beginning as well as ending, I will date the first of July, '49, as the commencement of my adventures in this land of modern Ophir the great El Dorado of the Pacific; where the golden dew sparkles in "morning's rosy light," as the first rays of the sun come dancing over the snow-capped hills of the distant Sierras, to kiss the valleys into newness life and clothe them with the verdure of perpetual spring. This mirrored imagery, however truthful, seemed far too blissful for mortals long to enjoy. On the first of July it was determined that a part of our company should leave for the mines, and, having heard there was much sickness, it was proposed I should go out with the first party, which met with my ardent approval, for I had always supposed I was born to be a hero, and this seemed to be the beginning of a golden climax that would ultimately place me among the first of the heroes of California. The small boats were loaded with provisions, and such tools as were considered necessary for mining-among which was an auger about three feet long, with three inches bore, brought along by a soi-disant geologist from Vermount, who told us that gold was often found amalgamated with the "oxide of copper," and he intended to bore for it. Where he got this idea, or what he expected to gain by boring, I could never learn. (Gold, silver and copper are sometimes combined in the ore as is the case in the "Buena Ventura" lode, back of Los Angelesand then is said to be alloyed, but never amalgamated.) At precisely nine o'clock A. M. we left the ship, full of life and animation-confident of returning soon, Astors in wealth, to enjoy the reward of our adventure. Strong and merry we pulled the oars; and, although it was not required of me, I took my turn at them, and long before night the cuticle upon my hands presented the appearance of split cranberries— but what to me were a few blisters to the glory of a hero! Just as the last rays of twilight died away, we entered the mouth of the slough, and rowing one hour longer, concluded to lay up for the night. Accordingly, we made fast our towlines, and scrambled on shore. The thick growth of trees on both sides of the river made it quite dark, so that we were unable to make a selection of our landing, and found ourselves among the bushes and underbrush, so thickly entangled that it was difficult to move about until | to sleep-no, not to sleep, but to be anwe had built a fire and cut the bushes noyed; for, notwithstanding my precauaway with the axe. tion, I had wrapped a host of these torThen arose the question about getting mentors in my blankets, and they began supper, for we had eaten nothing since to present their bills, and sing a lullaby we left the ship. But who should cook that to me was most unwelcome. I unthe supper, and who was to do the cook-covered my head that respiration might ing in future? This was what had not be more free, when instantly my face occurred to us before. It was finally became covered with these vigilant inagreed that we should make some tea, truders. and each cook for himself. The fire having been built, two crotched sticks were driven into the ground; a pile laid across them, on which was hung a bucket of water dipped from the river, into which we poured a large quantity of Bohea or Choo-chong, to cook, so that our tea presented more the appearance of a dish of greens than a beverage. This, however, we managed to strain into our tin dishes, and although it was somewhat smoky, it tasted far better than the sapid water of the river. We each cut a large slice of salt pork, (for the Jews were not among us), which we stuck on sticks and held in the blaze until it was pretty well crisped and smoked, and perchance had fallen not a few times in the ashes; and this we ate, with hard bread we had taken from the ship, and which constituted our supper. This meal being over, we began to think about laying ourselves. out for "tired nature's sweet restorer" to breathe her balmy influence upon our wearied limbs, and prepare us for the fatigues of another day. But as the fire died out, and the smoke blew away, the mosquitos came about us in such swarms that it was impossible to breathe without their obtruding themselves into our mouths and windpipes, to our great discomfort; a wag declared they had bills "three inches long." As I had heard of mosquitos growing so large, on the lower Mississippi, as to be able to lift a horse by his back and shake his shoes off, I tried to console myself that I was among the Lilliputians. Shaking my blankets violently, I hastily threw them over my head, and laid down I sprang hastily to my feet, brushed them away, built a fire, and placed myself in the smoke, until my face became blackened, and my eyes resembled the blear eyes of an Irish cook while preparing a dish of raw onions. Again I laid me down, but could not long remain decubitus in modo; the condition of Dante's Venedico Caccianimico was not more wretched; "se le fazion che porti non son false❞—for if the features were not false, they were so bleared and swollen as to deny a friendly recognition. During this time some of my companions were suffering with myself, while others, overcome by the fatigue, were loudly snoring, as if anxious to drown the hideous hum, and lull themselves to a sweeter repose. I proposed to leave, in preference to doing penance through the weary hours of night. A part of the company being of my mind, one boatload started, leaving the others to follow in the morning. We left the slough just as the first rays of the sun fell upon the silver bosom of the Sacramento, and a more beautiful scene I have never gazed upon; my bosom was filled with transports of joy, and for a time the fatigue of the night was wholly forgotten. As far away to the east as the eye could scan, I beheld the blue hills skirting the horizon, save where an occasional peak, rising high above the rest, glistened with eternal snows, that melting rush down the mountain gorges, and along the smiling valleys, to commingle with the waters of the mighty deep. Along the banks of the river stood old oaks, with their pendant vines and mistletɔe; the valleys stretched far away, wher the wild ox and deer fed together, and the wild birds made the morning glad with their early songs; all conspiring to make the scene one of unequalled beauty, interest and delight. Most willingly would I undergo the fatigues of that night to enjoy the scene once more. But 'tis changed; the river wears not that quiet, and the banks are bereft of the old oak-the "woodman's axe" has laid it low-and all is changed, to bear the impress of thrift and civilization; thus teaching us the lesson, that all atomic and vitative existence is changing and passing with an unobserved stealthiness away, and soon will leave no trace whereby the attention of future generations may be called to the beauty and grandeur of the earth's present sublimest renown. This is my first adventure. Yours, FE NIX. Lonely Dale, Nov. 1, 1857. A TRUE ACCOUNT OF HOOPS. It was in the past month, of the year 1709, that Isaac Bickerstaff, Esquire, gave to the world, through the columns of the Tatler, a luminous account of the fashion which then prevailed, of wearing hooped petticoats. That fashion has returned again, and as the writings of Bickerstaff are already old, and may not last a hundred and fifty years longer, I propose to follow his illustrious example, and give a new account of the same old fashion, for the benefit of the people of January, A. D., 2005. I hope thus, by warning posterity of the evils of enlarged petticoats, to confer a favor (my fortune hardly amounts to that) upon my great, or little, as the case may be, great-greatgrand-children. Fashion, like every thing else, is the creature of circumstance; in illustration of which fact it is related of the enormous ruffles of Queen Elizabeth's time, that they were at first only large enough to conceal a deformity of her ladyship's neck. And so, of hooped petticoats, when they first made their appearance, or rather, I should have said, when they first became manifest, were no larger than requisite to hide the deformities of young misses and maidens; if, indeed, they came up to that standard. So rapid, however, is their growth at the present time, as to bid fair, in the course of the coming year, to rival in dimensions the new dome on the Capitol at Washington. It is but just that I should attribute, to some extent, the blame of their expansion to the character of the material out of which they were originally constructed. Every body is aware that whalebone has a natural tendency (taken as it is from a large animal), to dilate whatever may chance to enclose it. At all events, the women have enough to endure, under these great garments, without having to bear also the faults of others; and besides, the monster of the deep, though scarcely larger than a fashionable lady, is more able, and at the same time, I trust, willing, to retain his portion of the responsibility. But a sense of justice equally forbids that I should make of him a scape-goat to bear off all the sins of large petticoats. The expansive quality of whalebone affords no excuse for hoops of brass and steel. These are no device of the leviathan; on the contrary, their tendency is (a thing he cannot be supposed to encourage), to supplant him as the largest of moving things. Nor is the responsibility of the change from bone to brass to be forced unconditionally upon the fair sex. Future generations will entirely exonerate them, when it comes to be learned, as presently it will, that the dry goods dealers were the parties chiefly interested in the movement; and in view of the dishonor it must cast upon that large and respectable class of citizens, it grieves me to be obliged to record the fact; nevertheless, history demands it, and it must be written, that they procured metallic hoops to be invented for the benefit of trade, rather than the gratification of female vanity. There was a limit to whalebone, the best specimens measuring only twenty-seven feet; but to metal there was no such limit. While yet the former was in use, it required only three and a half ordinary patterns to make one dress or petticoat; but now five are readily sold for the same purpose. A careful calculation will show the persons for whom this is written, should they still retain our system of figures, that during the fore part of the month of December, in the year 1857, the difference in favor of metallic hoops was just a pattern and a half. The merchants will undoubtedly realize large fortunes out of this fashion, but those who furnish hoop-money (in Bickerstaff's time it was called pin-money), have observed a strong inclination in their pockets to collapse, and are becoming extremely anxious for a collapse of the fashion itself. It has already brought upon the country a financial crisis of a most alarming character; and it is the settled opinion of Bates, Rowe, and other skilful financiers, that when petticoats finally obtain their greatest tension and explode, a convulsion will be produced in the business world, compared with which that from the bursting of the South Sea bubble was trifling. This, however, is no time for speculations. Dame Fancy, owing to her natural bent for extravagant flights, might possibly puff up these nether garments to the full size of inflated balloons; but with the unreasonable dame this account has nothing to do. History should deal alone in facts. Among the most deplorable, or, strictly speaking, heart-rending consequences flowing from the use of these enormous circles, is the separation of families, and the constant alienation of husbands and wives. This might be supposed to be sufficiently effected by the waste of money upon skirts; but in addition to that annoyance, the fashion itself maintains a most respectful distance between them. They are no longer able to cherish one another, and kissing is entirely out of the question, though many a husband would gladly embrace an opportunity. Indeed, to such a strait are men driven in these times, that they are about to apply to the legislature to reduce the size of petticoats to a mord social standard. It is believed that the bachelor members may be enlisted in the measure, and that a petticoat clause can be tacked on to the bill for the reduction of fees, it being only for the reduction of fee-males. But though inconvenient in these several respects, hoops are not without their uses. They serve a like purpose with guard-ropes in a menagerie, which prevent too great familiarity with the animals; and, in so far as they serve for the protection of the weaker portion of humanity, the wearing of them may well be esteemed a virtue. From what the future reader has acquired, he will be prepared to learn that hooped petticoats have quite broken up the custom of dancing. This amusement, as likewise social parties, have been rendered impracticable, since not more than two or three well-dressed ladies can occupy the same drawing-room. Healthy out-door exercise, also, and especially in cities, is trespassed upon in the same manner; in consequence of which, the women of this town have petitioned the mayor to have the sidewalks cleared for the space of eleven feet; the more fashionable agreeing among themselves, in that event, to pass up on the right and down on the left of streets, to avoid jostlings. It is thought his honor will refuse the request, in-as-much as it is opposed by all such of his constituents as have no feelings in common with the sufferers. Should their prayer be denied, it is proposed, as a last resort, and for revenge, to adopt the Sacramento custom of appropriating the entire street, to the exclusion of teams and vehicles. The in-door workings of the fashion are somewhat peculiar, and I shall doubtless relieve the curiosity of the female portion of posterity by informing them, that when a hooped lady calls upon another, she neither takes a seat upon the sofa, nor upon a chair, for that were impracticable; but she is furnished with |